(no subject)

[emmazunz]

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don’t even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of the next
moment. All the immense
images in me—the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,
cities, towers, and bridges, and un-
suspected turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods—
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever eluded me.

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house--, and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me. Streets that I changed upon--,
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
Were still dizzy with your presence and, startled, gave back
My too-sudden image. Who knows? perhaps the same
bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening…

Rilke is awesome.

I have auditions soon but I don't feel like getting up. My store of nervous energy feels completely depleted. Also, I have lots of work today, and my brain just isn't in the building right now. This CAN'T be like sophomore year. I am not permitting it.
I don't feel well at all.
But today = lots of work. And I will do said lots of work. Yes.